Is life a mere business?

It is often said that no one can rule destiny, or what has been destined, happens.. blah blah. But, all of this seems so futile when someone you love so much goes away, or is in a terrible condition that life to that person, is burdening. That feeling is painful.Really really painful. Even more painful when you know that the person could have been easily escaped from all the sufferings.

And it is also often said that doctors are next to God for they are the ones who give many patients a chance to relive when even the slightest of hopes also disappear. An author once quoted, " A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months". If I would have read this quote two years back, I would have interpreted it as, no matter what, a doctor will always find excuses to improve the life of a patient, without any second thoughts. However, reading it now I question myself, what if the patient didn't pay his bills?

Disclaimer: This is not a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the product of writer's reality. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is definitely not coincidental.

Two years back, when I was in grade 11th precisely, my mother was diagnosed with acoustic neuroma ,which is growth of a noncancerous tumor on the cranial nerve that connects the inner ear with the brain. Although this tumor was harmless, it was exerting pressure on other nearby nerves that controlled facial muscles, sensation and balance of the body. Which is why the right side of her face became completely numb, she frequently got dis-balanced and tripped towards right side while feeling heaviness in her head all the time. This was a great deal to worry for our entire family undoubtedly. My father went from doctors to doctors looking for as many opinions as possible so that we go for a safe treatment without hurrying. Many said that surgery is the only option, but we were indecisive because there was a risk that it could possibly damage the nerves. But then, to our respite we found a genuine doctor(apparently) who told us that this tumor doesn't require surgery at all. The size of the tumor was between 2 to 3 cm, so as told by the doctor it was under the range of an alternative treatment, Gamma Knife, which is a type of radiosurgery wherein the patient is exposed to certain radiations that target specific areas within the brain. It is done in sessions during a span of few hours. The radiations simply deactivate the tumor slowly and patient stops feeling the early symptoms and there are no side-effects whatsoever. Patient is even discharged the same day or next day, with only mild medication and few follow ups required thereafter. This was music to our ears. Also, we were shocked how doctors were trying to deceive us just to make money. I mean come onnnn! Once you make up your mind to study medicine, you need to have an empathetic heart and earning handsomely should always be put secondary. And, if you can't have it, then please go for a start-up where there is a lot of risk, but at least not at the cost of someone's life.

 We felt very lucky to be in the safe hands finally. My mother went for the treatment to one of the hospitals in Delhi.I was in Jaipur that time.She returned home the very next day looking absolutely fine that no one could even say that she has just been done with a major regimen.Phew!All of us were so happy that she did away with the complication so easily.

But, there'a twist in the tale.Obviously, which story is complete without a climax? Mother was not feeling alright since she came back. She knew something was not okay. With time, instead of getting better she got worse. She used to feel nauseatic quite often, had severe headaches that didn't go away for days, the right side of her face had absolutely no sensation which was visible through her features,her balance was not stable and she couldn't walk independently for longer distances. She went for her first follow up MRI after six months. The doctor said that the reports were completely normal and these symptoms will fade away very soon. We thought this is how it happens probably and kept consoling her that she'll be better. She needs to be a little more patient.However, we couldn't even half as well understand what she was going through. This kept on until my 12th boards. I remember how her head used to burn with pain but she just said to me ,"I am fine", only so I can focus on my studies.

After my boards ended, we shifted to Bombay. Sometime later she went for her third MRI. The reports were a shocking heartbreak to us. Tumor's size did not reduce. It didn't even stay as it is. Contradictorily, it grew. We came to a standstill. Again the entire process was being started. My father enquired with a lot of doctors in Bombay. He happened to meet a neurologist who has a well known reputation internationally too and has operated patients with such cases with 100% success rate. Then we came to know that her tumor was never within the range of Gamma Knife. Operating it back then was the best decision,and, if the tumor is out of the range of radiosurgery and still exposed to radiations, it swells up. Now, even we knew that surgery was the last resort. The doctor had warned us prior that although he would try his best, there was still a chance of facial nerve damage as the area was very sensitive. We were in two minds. Going for the surgery was risky, and she was also facing a lot of troubles otherwise. I, somehow diverted my mind for a while as I had to begin with my college the next day. Everyone remembers their first day of college pretty well, I am sure. So do I.

It seemed as if this chaotic dilemma was never ending. After the first decision we were too unsure to rely on a doctor. We had decided to go for Gamma Knife earlier to skip surgery and yet again we were back on the same point. What if we were being given a wrong advice again? What if the surgery turns out to be unsuccessful? What if, what if, what if.... too many what ifs.Nonetheless, this time my father researched a lot about the doctor, his past experiences, tried to get in touch with few of his patients and the feedback was considerably positive. Mother was brave enough that she made up her mind to go for the surgery, because, inspite of the risk involved there was a guarantee that she would get rid of her problems soon. And so, it happened. We kept our fingers crossed. The surgery was successful. None of her nerves were damaged. Although, some period of time post surgery was awful for her,emotionally and physically, but then she started showing signs of recovery and things are getting better even today.

It is very much evident that everyone learns from their experiences and past mistakes, but being a little cautious does no harm. It is a sad fact that neurological diseases are very much prominent in the country, however, the doctors are not trained up to the mark. All this while, we met quite a few patients who had similar cases as my mother's, and had to go for four to five surgeries  because each time doctors did a blunder. It takes a significant amount of time for a person to regain normal immunity just after one major surgery. Four-Five surgeries! This is beyond my imagination. I wonder how easy it is for some of the doctors to simply say, "ab toh ek aur surgery karni padegi. Pichli thodi galat ho gayi." What??? Are you solving a math problem? Medicine is not a profession to be commercialised. It is not business. It deals with lives. I can't even describe how much agitated I am towards the first doctor who treated my mother. And there are lakhs of other people who go through this same feeling but are helpless. Most of the time, family members are so weak emotionally that it feels worthless to sue the doctor. Or when they decide to do so, political matters are a completely different issue adding on to previous problems(don't even want to touch on that). Moreover, the worst part is that because of all the scandals happening, even genuine doctors are being doubted.

I consider myself so much lucky that in the end we met the right person. People must have had even more horrifying experiences. My only major motive behind writing this is to spread awareness and alertness among people. When someone close is immensely sick, mind actually stops working and we are just in a hurry for the cure. But, it's a little better to think twice. We certainly can't say what's going to happen but at least we won't regret, perhaps.Even after listening to the news regarding such scandals we become so directionless when someday we actually have to face the situation. And to everyone who is into medicine, I have a humble request. You have the most respectable profession. People look up to you. Please don't spoil your status and create unnecessary confusion for the patients,thus, stereotype towards every doctor. India needs quality doctors.
Also, I didn't mean to scare anybody. It's just that when there's a trembling situation, thinking on practical terms is beneficial. And with time, everything gets healed. I just wish that one day we all can trust the doctors blindly. But till that day comes, let's wear spectacles for better vision.
   

A FEELING KNOWN YET UNKNOWN TO ALL: LOVE

The other day I read a story. There was an eighty-five year old man who went for his appointment to the doctor and was in so much hurry to go back to an old age home. When being asked for the reason by the doctor that why he is in such a hurry , the man says I need to meet my wife there who does not remember me anymore as she is suffering from acute case of Alzheimer. The doctor then inquired why did he wants to go if she does not recognize him. To this the man replied, "she doesn't know who am I, but I still know who she is."

This is called  "love".

Please don't judge from the above story that I am going to preach about love. I am just 16, I haven't experienced much of life, but yes I can say that I've lived and learned enough to sense what this four letter word means.

Or let me say, that I've learned enough to differentiate between passionate love and the love which seeks more of companionship. I am 16, so I will obviously like to serve people of my age group here.I am not a saint who will teach and give lengthy lectures about love, I just have my own simple views which totally depend upon my personal observation.

When I look around, I notice that 'real love' is vanishing. People are not contended within themselves, that they have found their true love, but they want to publicize it that "oh yes! I am in love." I think this is the way they enhance their reputation in one's eyes. And cherry on the top, the others actually feel that they did something brilliant.

We have the 'passion' of finding true love. Consequently, we get attracted to someone and we passionately love our significant other. I really couldn't understand this concept. I mean I am not passionate about my mother, or father,or brother so how can I get passionate about my boyfriend or girlfriend. I just love my family, because they are my best friends, my best companions and I care for them.

This simple thing is love. When you find a true friend in someone and you care for him that means you love him, And this love is no different from the love you share with your mother or father. Love is one and it is unitary. It does not have different types or categories.

Now , we must have fought ample of times with our brothers or sisters, mothers or fathers, Then do we completely end our relation with them and separate from them? So, why is this the case with passionate love? If we have found our true love, why there comes a point of what we call break up? Why is the beginning so happy, and the end so drastic?

When you love a person you accept him with his flaws. But, one day suddenly everything finished and you are sad about it, and instead of talking with your so called love you talk to other people and socialize it.

With social media coming up, each and every moment of our life is  shared with million others. Whether you are sad or happy, it is ought  to be shared with everybody.

What kind of love is this, when it cannot be remained just between two of them. When you have a fight with your best friend, do you really want to publicize it? No. We feel it's right talking to that particular person. But, when it comes to your partner, your status on social site changes.

We teens have changed the dimensions of love, For us, I guess love is confined only to going on romantic dates, long night chats and above all socializing. We in fact move in opposite direction. We want to love, so we find it. But, love is natural. It just happens and that goes on for life long. It never needs a full stop.

We need to change our perspectives. We need to broaden our thinking and come out from that social web. The love that youngsters experience is often filled with insecurity, lack of freedom and trust, which in my opinion are the antonyms of love.

Passionate love is just momentary fascination, whereas companion-ate love is eternal. True love is not restricted only to dates and chats. True love is when a man marries an acid attack victim, when an eighty year old couple goes for may be a candlelight dinner, when you don't mind your boyfriend complimenting some other girl or simply when you sleep on your mother's lap and enjoy.

I may be 16, I still may not know what actually love is, but I know that this is the love I desire for.

For now, I am signing off with LOVE to all my readers. :)      

TERRORISM- WHAT PATH DOES IT LEAD TO?

When I hear this word- terrorism, the only question which comes to my mind is why terrorism? Is it benefiting anyone of us in anyway? Perhaps to those whose  exhibiting of terror attacks become successful when thousands of innocent lives are snatched. Right? May be when there are dead bodies lying everywhere in one country there is a grand celebration happening in another country.

Did you notice what I wrote here? “Celebration happening in another COUNTRY”. This means that everyone in that country is joyous and contended. NO! Majority of us think this way. We blame everyone and start developing prejudice for that country’s people where actually who are involved are conceivably very few.

Unaware of the reality we make our relations more and more cruel with that country. But, in my opinion this is totally insane. Just think the other way. We all are gifted with only one life and this is so precious. While on the other side some people ruin it completely. We keep fighting and fighting and fighting. Why couldn't we en-root world peace?

I don’t want to point out any particular country or any particular attack, for I guess we all know what  all has happened recently. People are not even fully recovered from one attack and there is explosion at another place. Everybody has started living in so much terror! Where ever we are, in a train, a bus, cinema hall, office, school, you never know but anything can happen the next moment!

What is the result of all this? Nothing, but pain, pain and more pain.

If one loses and the other wins, what is going to happen? Everything will eventually end up one day. So, why not get engaged in constructive work and utilize this life by making it efficacious.

People who really had high dreams, were doing something productive for themselves and their country, also had to give up their lives for no reason, but sadly in an attack. Think what kind of dejection it is for their loved ones. Did they do something so wrong that their only punishment is death? What an irony is this! People who actually do some wrong are not castigated for years and those who are innocent are killed ruthlessly. Moreover, that thought of even imagining that any one of us who is watching the news now also could have faced that very situation, cause goose bumps.

I don’t want to go in deeper details, but the simple message I want to convey is that all this leads to no victory. It is only the defeat of the whole world no matter which part experiences such situation. We should be ashamed of ourselves that born with so much intelligence we human beings are deteriorating it by applying all our knowledge on how to make more explosive nuclear bombs! This way what world are we going to leave for our future generations? What will we teach them? Just imagine without terror attacks what great heights this world will lead to!

There is a true saying- terrorism is not the pursuit of legitimate goals by some part of illegitimate means. Whatever the murderers may be trying to achieve, creating a better world certainly isn't one of their goals. Instead they are out to kill innocent people. So, terrorism is surely the most destructive action ever. The easiest yet the most difficult way to stop terrorism is- stop participating in it, because terrorism is itself a war so there could be no war for terrorism.

 BEING A GIRL - BIGGEST MISTAKE OF LIFE!

Yes. I do agree with my above words. All the wrong happening to girls is definitely our own fault. We girls are so stupid as we allow people to chase  and tease us. I think every man out there whose favorite hobby is to irritate girls, will comply with me. And why not? They are absolutely right. I am completely in their favor .
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After all we are the ones who urge men to act this way. Any boy has the right to wink at us in the street or touch us just like that. Moreover, if we look good then there is bound to be a major danger around us, and we don't care about all this even after knowing that the whole world is occupied with worthy gentlemen.

Pity at our senses. We ourselves attract them by wearing short dresses and blame them for annoying us! I feel so sorry for those men. I understand, they are such humble people that once we start wearing ''proper" clothes, they would dare not even to look at us. Right?

Our problem is that things don't go in our mind unless and until we are pressurized about something. I suggest that some kind of rule should be made for girls denying them to move out after 6 pm. Atrocious people are all around and we know that anything can happen to us anytime. And then again, we silly girls go and file a complaint against these people if they molest us, and because of us such innocent people are punished. But thanks to our Indian police who makes us realize that all this was our own mistake and we are the accused ones , not the victims.

So girls, beware! Don't come out of your houses when it's dark. But is there any guarantee that we are completely safe in daylight? No assurance about this as well. So, it's better for us to be at home all the time. Why to disturb the peace of other men unnecessarily? They are so nice people!

Whether we are in a small village or a big city, we ought to cover ourselves properly, as our clothes could be torn to pieces anytime.Since we have no safety at any place at any point of time, so lets face it now. Why to fight for all this nonsense despite knowing the fact that this is a never ending journey? Lets tolerate this till eternity.

We will have to accept that now we are left with no choice. It's been ages that we are hearing about rape cases, sexual harassment of women and even child abuse of girls. Still some ladies are living with a hope that our suffering will end one day. So please excuse me ladies, if you think this way you are fools.

But, I salute your extraordinary thinking people! On one hand you pray to goddess Durga, goddess Kali, and on the other hand you kill and degrade the Durga within us, snatch our power and do wrong to us.

Anyway, you are absolutely correct by having this mentality, and every woman will surely cooperate with you by not moving out of their houses. Although some of us are not even safe at home. No problem! We will go ahead with this kind of life. Enjoy men! We will not urge you to come towards us anymore. We will ruin our education, career and everything so that you could stay at peace.
After all we have accepted that being a girl was the biggest mistake of our life.  

THIS ABOVE ALL: TO THINE OWNSELF TO BE TRUE

The world is engulfed with a sense of artificiality, cheating and pretentious facade. When we look around, often we find people misleading and betraying  others. To expect authenticity or truthfulness from majority of the people is an expectation too high. Accepted that we have this inbuilt nature of being untrue to others, but is there any way we can at least be true to our own selves? Whatever we do, we should be faithful to ourselves. If we are on a right path and strive to be honest, we will never have that feeling of being wrong and we will be what we are.

However, there are  people who engage themselves in a certain kind of work due to which they may never realize who they are leading them to a road of confusion. Thieves, murderers, terrorists, can never be true to themselves because their work itself is to cheat others. Do you think these people are satisfied with what they are doing? Do you think they will find peace in death?They always face some kind of randomness in every situation.Why to do such things that can never provide you peace and could not allow you to be true ?  I think the most important thing is to work in such a way that allows you to be true to yourself, therein finding peace.  If we have to struggle to find what kind of a person we are, that means some way or the other we are lying to ourselves and we are not at peace with our own life.

Many a times we hear saints preach that the first and foremost thing is to search ourselves and obtain an answer to the question- WHO AM I? A lot of people may find this very silly, but if we actually work to get this answer, our life will run very smoothly.   The day we get an answer to this complicated yet unavoidable question we will be completely and purely true to ourselves.Learning and accepting oneself is the most important step which therefore helps in being true to oneself. With every step if we trust and be honest with ourselves, then knowing ourselves, we will realize, is not a tough process.

Morality is a deep value of human life because of which being true and finding truth becomes important. Its possible that we cannot always be true to others, therefore the only thing we can balance and compensate for the lies is by being true to ourselves. May be this can provide us inner peace.  Anyone can be true to himself or herself if he or she is really a genuine and a just person. For example, when a student who missed his class for some fun time was asked whether he did it on purpose, answers that he missed a class for some important work, definitely means he is lying to others. However if the very next moment he realizes that he did something which he shouldn't have done and promises to himself that he will never miss his classes again, and implements on that self made promise too, shows that he is a person who will always be true to himself. Being honest to ourselves is only helpful to us and no one else. So why not help ourselves and transform ourselves into a better person? The more we’ll be true to ourselves, the more we can teach others about it, and can make everyone a truthful person, and then that time will not be far when this hatred filled world will be an ideal place to live.

  

Writing of truth, what better example than Mahatma Gandhi's 'my experiments with truth'? His satyagrah, which means quest for truth, led him on the path of victory and this even made people to address him as a mahatma. He showed people the power of truth. If we are truthful we don’t require any force to win the battle this is what his  endeavor was. In this whole journey he was true to himself because there was not a single time when he withdrew his belief despite all the problems that came his way. On the other hand there were Britishers who were absolutely untrue to themselves. People who cause harm to others can never be true to themselves. As a result, the British colonialism fell down and at the end we were the ones who came out victorious.

We also know about a person who caused great destruction to a certain mass, Hitler. His aim was to eliminate Jews from Germany which is itself  was a very inhuman and barbaric thought because he was snatching away the real rights of people.  He didn't even realize about those people whose loved ones were made to die even after having no fault or committing no crime. Was he doing a right thing? Was he TRUE to himself? No he wasn't true to himself and could have never been .He was lying to himself and other Germans because he committed suicide instead of dying which could have been a dignified death. He killed himself out of fear that he had done wrong to people and everything was just finished. 

We all know what outcome we have to suffer by being untrue. 

When you think that you are doing something wrong you should ask yourself – am I doing right? Your inner voice will give you the answer. This question can apply for the small things and important things at the same time. Any terrorist can ask this question to himself when he explodes a bomb to take away thousand lives, or any couple who runs away from their family for marriage. If they really stop themselves from doing that immoral and false task, they are fair to themselves.

You should always be YOU! You cannot blame anyone else for your own faults. We should realize the fact that in this whole world the person whom we can trust the most is WE ourselves. A lot of conflict or instability in our life is only because we are untrue to ourselves. So, by being honest to ourselves, we can learn to change conflict and instability into stability and clarity for ourselves. There is an enlightening quote stated by  GordonMacKenzie- You have a masterpiece inside you, too, you know. One unlike any that has ever been created, or ever will be. And remember: If you go to your grave without painting your masterpiece, it will not get painted. No one else can paint it. Only you.

So it's of utmost importance to awaken now and try to discover ourselves, and above all- BE TRUE TO OURSELVES.

LIFE IS A RACE!

This is what we are taught since childhood. The moment we enter into this beautiful world, our parents go into another dream world. They start building their grand expectations from us.

"oh! my baby will be a doctor one day!.... Hers's my engineer champ!.. Aww! My child is playing teacher-teacher. I am sure you will become a well reputed professor one day! "

These things start at a very small scale and we children too enjoy the love of our parents so much. But, soon this kind of love turns to a nightmare for us. Most of the time we are served with taunts and scoldings if we fail at some point in our life.Every now and then we are made to realize that there is a huge competition around us and we have to toil hard to be the best.

In all this tension, pressure, what about our enjoyment, our happiness? It gets vanished like smoke in the air.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that you don't do anything in life and just live on your father's money. No. It is absolutely wrong. What my point is that, whatever you do in life , do it with pleasure. For this, all mummys and daddys have to  understand their children so that they could be at ease and in return could make their parents satisfied.

Did you ever give a thought to it? Once we enter in school life, our schedule gets completely changed according to our studies, exams and so on. We cannot go and meet our relatives whenever we want. For that, we have to wait for vacations. We cannot hangout with our friends just like that. We have to look after about our studies at the same time. We could not go out and spend a pleasant time with family because we were busy doing homework and were scared of the punishment that we may get by neglecting it. Have you ever realized that during all this we were nothing but just an alive working machine!

Accepted that we will definitely get success because of our hard work and will have our own identity.
But, we will EXIST with that identity, we will not LIVE with that. We don't realize that our soul is not cheerful and perhaps it is dead! So, what's the use of being successful like this?

Sometimes, in this pressure, tension, competition one becomes so depressed that he ends up giving his life, and if doesn't do it physically, he does it emotionally and just exists as a live-born statue. We fail to understand that the more we get tensed, the more we destroy ourselves.

We should try to create a positive approach towards life. I want everyone to be happy and live from within so that he could produce better outcomes. Do everything that you want, but always do it with a smile on your face. Don't let yourself to be a part of that huge crowd out there. Prove that you are different from others and LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE.

I do accept that life is a race, but it is not a marathon race where you take ample stress to win it. Rather it is a delightful race where there's a spoon with a marble in your mouth and there is always a risk of falling of that marble. But, when it falls, you laugh, pick it up again with your tremendous effort and nail it hard to win the race. So, from now we all have to STOP EXISTING AND START LIVING.

Be successful, be happy, and above all BE POSITIVE.